The Return

Here We Are Again…

Some things never change: You up sticks and spend a few months abroad, come home, look at the news, and everything’s different.

Except Some.

1. Nick Griffin is still a walking (waddling?) disaster.

I could almost pity him. Granted, it’s only a fleeting fancy and just one look at the old crook (is it just me, or is he looking more and more like someone’s drawn eyes on a sausage?) is enough to bring me back to earth.

But was anyone ever cursed with such poor political judgement?

A year or so ago, he announced that the BNP were to restyle themselves as a “Christian” party. Conveniently sidestepping the issues that the Church generally regards the Outfit about as favourably as the Church of Satan and that their only supporter in the “clergy” is the incorrigible fraudster “Reverend” Robert West, the Holy Father stated that, henceforth, all BNP literature – without exception – would bear the image of the cross.

Now. We all know that Griffin lies. All the time. About everything. Go on – ask him something: See how far you get: “What happened to the Accounts?” “Where does the Trafalgar Club money go?”
If he told you what your name was you’d want to check your birth certificate. The thing I can never figure out, however, is whether he knows he’s lying (like – say – a crook), or if he genuinely believes it to be the truth (like – for example – someone with a severe personality disorder).

Or maybe he’s just forgetful. Whatever. The fact remains that you won’t now see the letters
“BNP” with a cross next to them on a leaflet. Or on a ballot paper, come to think of it.

There is their ongoing campaign against grooming by sex gangs. Any other party might consider it a bit of an own goal to have, as a prominent spokesperson for the campaign, a disgraced ex-teacher who has just been banned for life from the classroom for, erm, grooming behaviour.

Of course, that’s any other party: Not Nick Griffin’s “Fourth Largest Political Party” (I refer you to the third paragraph back), oh deary me no. Made of sterner stuff, this lot.

The Party that’s got the toughest line on Law and Order? Led by one who’s very probably a conman and an embezzler, and with more convicted criminals among its upper echelons than SPECTRE? No worries – this is Nick Griffin’s “Fastest Growing Political Party” (ditto), remember?

In November, in another attempt to fire the public imagination, he took it upon himself to Save The Poppy. Heartfelt posts appeared, calling for a non-political vigil. (“Please note that this is a non-political event, so bring flags and placards but no party or organisational names or emblems.” he said, before plastering the pavement with BNP posters and banners.)

Regardless of the twin facts that the Royal British Legion have repeatedly asked the BNP not to defile the poppy with their grubby politics, and that the Home Secretary played something of a trump card by then banning Anjem Choudary’s nasty little “Muslims Against Crusades” outfit, Griffin – along with a couple of dozen supporters, fairly brimming with synthetic outrage – went ahead with their “mass protest”. In case it flew under your radar, please note: this was the kind of “Mass Protest” that was never likely to trouble the the national media.

That was hardly the point, one might suspect. A cynic might even suggest that the point was to enable Griffin to mount yet another appeal for funds by hitching his rickety cart to yet another misjudged “cause”.

He’s tried to awaken the Nation to the horrors of “Fracking”, except it turns out that real people have more important things to worry about. Aside from those aficionados of the new “Battlestar Galactica” who just giggle like schoolchildren every time they hear the word. (In Outer Space, it seems it’s the all – purpose swear…)

He briefly tried to cosy up to the EDL, having previously described them as part of a Zionist conspiracy – only to get cross at them when they chose a different bunch of fascists to join up with. (They’re part of a Zionist conspiracy again now…)

“Get Nick Back on Question Time!” was the next campaign. Now then: Given the first appearance and the effect it had on Griffin’s popularity, I, personally, would love to see him on QT every week. Hell: I’d like to see him on tv all the time. Everything from Newsnight to Strictly and In The Night Garden – give him the right level of coverage and even his dwindling band of confused followers would soon learn what an utterly charmless, repellent, clueless fool the man is.

As an aside: Back in the Spring I found myself in the offices of a P.R agency employed, as one of their contracts, to source D – List “celebrities” for a particular reality show (and no, not one of the “Big” ones – this one is pretty low rent…). On the wall of one room was a series of lists of names, and Griffin was on one of them. “What’s he doing there?” I asked. “Dream list for _________.” she said; “But no-one else would appear if he was on…”

I can’t tell you what the show was, but I can reveal that Griffin is considered so toxic that even Tatu, ex-cast members of Brookside and Christine Hamilton would baulk at appearing alongside him.

Reinventing himself as an International Elder Statesman came next: Signing on as an official observer in the Russian General Election.

Given his own less-than-glorious record when it comes to electoral democracy (think Huey Long meets Robert Mubabe meets the Honourable Member for Pyongyang North), he probably wasn’t near the top of anyone’s list for the freebie (sorry – onerous duty), but once again managed to live up to his enviable reputation as a giant among political pundits.

As Moscow was rocked by mass demonstrations and International observers noted with disquiet the sheer tonnage of reported poll violations, Our Man in Moscow seemed quite content with the goings – on, Tweeting that ”Eye opening being in a country that has set up a democratic system recently and with intention of being honest & transparent. UK elections are a bent farce by comparison.” and “Small demo in Moscow reported as ‘thousands’”.

(Of course, With the benefit of hindsight and in the face of growing international criticism of the goings – on, Griffin has since done the only thing an honourable gentleman can be expected to do. He’s written an article about the shining beacon of democracy that is Russian politics, and how our own – so called! – “democracy” is a hollow sham of Zimbabwean proportions by comparison.)

Whatever the issue, talking point or moral panic of the day, there’s one thing you can be sure of: Nick Griffin will get it wrong, pick the wrong side, or just throw his energy into something that no-one’s bothered about.

And so he’ll continue.

Even as his wretched “Party” disintegrates, fragments and dissolves around him.

2. Paul Morris plumbs new depths.

Paul “Green Arrow” Morris was, for some years, an amusing distraction; a merrily insane old drunkard happy to imagine himself as some kind of Mover and Shaker of the Far Right while lodged so firmly up Mr Griffin’s comfortably upholstered backside that his only view of the world that he could only see outside by prizing apart a pair of fleshy curtains.

It’s good to see that he still imagines himself a lynchpin of the outer fringes, but his site – freed from their onetime agenda of worshipping the Dear Leader to the exclusion of all else – has become something more like a qualifying heat for the Men’s Freestyle in the Stupidity Olympics: No views are left ignored, from the zaniest conspiracy theorising (that’ll be Brian Gerrish, then) to every conceivable faction of the Barmy Right, from the non-committal bletherings of Andrew Brons to Jim Dowson’s latest Get Rich Quick Scheme.

3. The Bigots don’t get any brighter

Led by, and happy to put their faith in, a succession crooks, conmen, lunatics, thugs, charlatans, social inadequates, fantasists, perverts and crazies, the befuddled followers of the faith will still dig deep, break into their pensions and giros and bankroll these ne’er do wells.

4. And finally, on a local level…

The BNP group on Amber Valley Borough Council have suffered a disastrous split. Cliff “Creepy” Roper and Lewis “The Boy” Allesbrook (as they’re known among many of the Council staff) have fallen out, and the air is thick acrimony, accusation and threats which, I imagine, will remain until they’re both quietly removed from office at the next council elections.

This is seen locally, of course, as the least surprising titbit of news since it was sensationally revealed that the Pope is, indeed, Catholic.

It’s good to be back.

Many thanks to Andy Minion